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WHAT’S THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR PARENTS?


 


CAKRAWALANTT.COM - We all commonly receive a lot of questions related to social interaction instead of the relationship with the main family members. Some people might throw a question like “Don’t you hang out with your friends? It’s a Saturday night.”

 

Have you ever rated how close you with your family members are? Naturally, parents and children have a special relationship with each other. Therefore, the impact of this relationship is quite huge to the growth of how the child will turn out later. Discussing parenting and children's relationship, there seems to be a gap between these two things. Due to the advancement of technology and this modern age, children tend to be more active and open-minded in building a social relationship with anyone compared to their parents who have lived years before with them. It cannot be denied that numbers of teenagers and adolescents prefer to spend more time with their social circle rather than having a neatly dinner together in a table with family.      

 

Then, what are the factors behind that? Considering this, some parents, in general, have a mindset that they have to be strict so that their children will listen to them. Children, when they grow up, their parents might have set a high standard of living for the best in the world to their children without even thinking about what their kids exactly want to do in their life. It seems good for specific reasons but parents should be their guide to lead the children not be a terror to them. For instance, when a kid does not show his/her effort in Math, as parents, they should not force their kids to be better in Math or blame their kids for not being good at numbers. It will be effective if the parents make a simple conversation and ask about the problems behind.


Transforming negative feelings to positive words

 

We often hear many stories related to our friends' or relatives’ personal experiences with their family. Indeed, we might look that close to our family because we share the same house, food, and everything.  This causes the family members in the house to forget how to be gentle in persuading their kids to study and to be disciplined. Sometimes, parents throw unwanted words to express their feelings. Some parents start to criticize their children for no reason every time they feel mad, disappointed, or simply because they are tired.

 

In some cases, parents have fully provided materialistic things such as having good clothes, delicious food, and an amount of money. Yet, the children have not fully got a mental intake. Due to the strict atmosphere and unwanted words that are given by parents, the children tend to save every secret on their own and prefer to tell their problems with their friends. As usual, based on the informal research that I made on my Instagram account related to parenting and child relationships, it was found that 24 people out of 34 stated that even though they have a close relationship, they rarely share their privacy with their parents.


Considering this issue, there might be several reasons that can be concluded as the factors of this relationship gap.

1)        Children need to get respected

This picture explicitly explains the expression of a daughter who wants to get a compliment of what she has done by her mother. Yet, it does not fit with her expectation. When parents start mocking their children's interests, social life, or even the love they choose, it will give an uncomfortable feeling for them. This situation might sound simple, but parents, you should know that this kind of response gives a special wound to children. Growing up, children tend to realize that the existence of parents is to help them financially not giving warm attention anymore.

2)      Children need a guidance, not a terror

Expecting children to have a positive and good life record has become every parent’s final goal. Having a high standard of success sometimes has made some parents think that ego is very essential. “My children have to take this subject and get a perfect score so that they can have a better future.” By knowing that their children cannot fully achieve their expectations, they simply say unwanted words instead of cheering up their children and asking why gently. In this case, parents should be more sensitive and aware of their role as guidance for their beloved children. Otherwise, the children might feel under pressure and make a distance from their parents.

3)      Children need to be understood

Among all of the factors, understanding each other becomes the main menu from both sides. For instance, the time when children grow up and want to tell a secret to their parents, indeed that they see their parents as a role model. That is why parents should choose wise words and gestures that do not hurt their children’s feelings.


Text and Photo : Ira Luik

Editor : Ira Luik (red)


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